This relationship doesn’t match your dreams.
“I did not sign up for this. I am married, yet I feel so lonely. I don’t recognize the person I once loved, admired, and longed to have as my partner.”
You barely speak with one another, and you both feel tension and awkwardness when you are beside each other. Your relationship is like two strangers in the same room, whereas you were once one.
The marriage is not the one you hoped to have.
Dilemmas and doubts overwhelm you, and you wonder, “Do I want to stay, or must I leave? Can our relationship be good again? Will it always be like this forever? I cannot stand this situation anymore.”
Couples face problems.
Sheila* and Gio* were married for three years.
Gio: “Sheila and I are so different; we speak different languages, attend different churches, and have different values. My idea of marriage is different from hers. Sheila’s heart is not here.”
Sheila: “I get that we come from different cultures. I want our marriage to thrive, but I never agreed to be a housewife. I want kids but also want to finish college and have a career.”
David* and Sarah* were married for seven years.
Sarah: “He wants me but not my child. I feel terrible as I must choose between my son and David. I love both of them so much.”
David: “I don’t feel she loves me. Sarah prioritizes her son and sometimes feels like she doesn’t care for me or our relationship. I feel neglected.”
Lenny and Jennifer, married for four years:
Lenny: “Our marriage is a living hell. We love each other, but I don’t know how long I will be able to live like this. Jennifer is insecure, always asks for validation, needs me all the time, and I need space to breathe.”
Jennifer: “Len is never there for me. I used to believe he was my best friend, but he turned away when I needed him the most.”
Yes, things can get rough in a relationship.
The honeymoon phase has an expiration date. There was once a promise of happiness for two.
Problems started to creep in out of nowhere, and you did not notice them, decided to ignore them, or did not know what to do (yes, marriage also doesn’t come with a manual). Then they snowball, and you end up in a relationship you never wanted to have.
Issues arise in any relationship, and it is OK to feel what you feel – disappointment, anger, anxiety, fear, doubt, hurt, hope, and desire. It is OK that you are ambivalent and want to run away and stay simultaneously. It is OK that you sometimes have opposite feelings from your partner’s.
But what happens next is critical. You can do nothing and get the same results or work on getting your relationship back on track. Navigating through the complexities of a relationship is difficult, but help is available.
Couples counseling helps improve relationships.
I have helped many couples like you, Sheila and Gio, Sarah and David, and Lenny and Jennifer reclaim their togetherness and “we-ness.”
My approach, informed by the evidence-based Gottman method and focused on strengths and solutions, will help you learn how to communicate better resolve conflicts more effectively; rebuild trust, friendship, and commitment; and strengthen your bond.
Empowered by these skills, you will have the confidence to cope with future challenges in your relationship.
Please get in touch with me at (954) 245-0098 and set sail toward a better relationship.
*Names and stories are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.